Joke

[Xplantdad]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: whitetop</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A man was laying in bed with his wife one night and the &quot;urge&quot; came up out of nowhere . He asked his wife if she wanted to make out and she replied she could not because she already took a shower and had a OB/GYN appointment first thing in the morning.

The man pondered for a while and then said , &quot;You don't have a dentist appointment tomorrow also do ya?&quot;

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[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/shocked.gif[/img] [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/grin.gif[/img]

[twertsy]

A 75 year-old man walked into a crowded doctors waiting room and approached the desk.
The receptionist asked 'Yes Sir, what are you seeing the doctor for to-day?' 'There's something wrong with my dick' he replied,
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that'. 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong, and I told you' replied the man.
The receptionist said 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people, you should have said ' There is something wrong with your ear and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private'.
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone' .
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked 'Yes?' 'There’s something wrong with my ear' he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice...'And what is wrong with your ear Sir?'
'I cant pee out of it!' he replied.

[twertsy]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

[earntaz]

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

&quot;Mother,&quot; the nuns asked earnestly, &quot;Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.&quot;

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, &quot;DON'T SELL THAT COW. &quot;

[Canuck]

WHY MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN

And here we go...

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask , &quot;Do these new grips make me look fat?&quot;

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun

[earntaz]

WHY MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN

As a kid born and raised in northern Wisconsin and an old Air Force 462, guns are a way of life. Now living here in south Texas, guns are just as prevalent.

I sure am glad my wife mate doesn't read posting here!! LOL

[Verne_Frantz]

When I was in high school and had a rock band I decided I wanted to spiff up my appearance a bit with a nice suit like some of the other band members in the late '60s. I asked an older gentleman for his advice as to the best place to get something nice. He told me to go to Coxs and get a Searsucker suit. It didn't work out so well because I misunderstood him and went to Sears!

Verne [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/blush.gif[/img]

[earntaz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Verne_Frantz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When I was in high school and had a rock band I decided I wanted to spiff up my appearance a bit with a nice suit like some of the other band members in the late '60s. I asked an older gentleman for his advice as to the best place to get something nice. He told me to go to Coxs and get a Searsucker suit. It didn't work out so well because I misunderstood him and went to Sears!

Verne [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/blush.gif[/img] </div></div>

OUCH!@#$

[Xplantdad]

Verne...LOL!!

[galveston]

My ex-wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas one year and my response was something that goes from 0 to 220 in 3 seconds or less......

I got a bathroom scale. [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/frown.gif[/img]