joke - Page 18

**earntaz** · #**171** 12-10-2016, 02:12 AM

Donald and Hillary Go Fishing in the Winter ...

How do you settle a presidential election when the vote is too close to call?

With an fishing contest in northern Wisconsin in January, of course!

After the first round of votes were counted, Hillary and Donald were deadlocked.

Instead of going through a recount, they agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President.

They decided that a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 pm.

After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.

Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing. That night, Hillary and her cronies got together and accused Trump of being a “low-life, cheating’ son-of-a-bitch.” Instead of fishing on Day 3, they were going to follow and to spy on him and figure out how he was cheating.

Day 3 finished up and Trump had an incredible day, adding 50 fish to his total!

That night, Hillary and her democratic cohorts got together for the full report on how Donald was cheating. Hillary stood up to give her report and said, “You are not going to believe this. He Is cheating, he's cutting holes in the friggin’ ice!”

And this story ... tells you all you need to know about the difference between a successful businessman and a career government politician.

**earntaz** · #**172** 12-22-2016, 08:07 PM

Christmas Stamps ...
A blonde goes to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterians, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

**earntaz** · #**173** 01-06-2017, 02:20 AM

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, only William was left.

"William, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am.

My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.

She was a pilot in Desert Storm, And her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with Her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'

'Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'

**Charley Lillard** · #**174** 03-07-2017, 12:23 PM

.........

**earntaz** · #**175** 03-07-2017, 12:31 PM

HeHeHe -- good one!!

**Mr70** · #**176** 03-09-2017, 03:17 PM

**earntaz** · #**177** 03-09-2017, 04:24 PM

Oh how true that is -- communication is a terrible thing!!!

Vern B · #**178** 03-10-2017, 11:44 PM

LITTLE BILLY...On Philosophy

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first shot." The
teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucking the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

**mssl72** · #**179** 03-11-2017, 07:16 PM

Good one Vern!!!

**Charley Lillard** · #**180** 03-11-2017, 11:11 PM

Golfer Speaks out:

We had a power outage at our house this morning. My PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad and my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my Iphone battery was dead.

And to top it off it was raining outside. So I couldn't play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee. Then I remembered that this also needs power.

So I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours.

She seems like a nice person.