joke

[m22mike]

A foursome of male golfers, all in their 40's, discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Hooters because the waitresses were young, good looking, had big
breasts and wore short-shorts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed
where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they
would meet at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had
many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was
excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the foursome again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace,
and it was good value for the money.

Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because
the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the
disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters
because they had never been there before.

[Verne_Frantz]

I like that one Mike. It reminds me of this one:

An arrogant young golfer walked into the pro shop before starting his game and said he can hit the ball so far, he can't see where it lands so he needs a caddie with the best eyesight possible.

The Pro calls over Eddie and said, "He has the best eyesight of any caddie I've ever seen"
The golfer says, "You've got to be kidding me - he's got to be 80 years old!"

"Actually, he's 85, but believe me, he can spot your ball"

So they start off at the first tee and sure enough, the golfer hits a long ball way out of sight. He says, "OK Eddie, did you see where the ball landed?"

"Yep"

"OK, where is it?"

"I forgot"

[m22mike]

That could be me Vern, but I don't golf. [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/naughty.gif[/img]

[earntaz]

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, &quot;I got a flat tahr.&quot;

The passerby asked, &quot;But what's with the flowers?&quot;

The man responded, &quot;When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.&quot;

[Keith Seymore]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: earntaz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, &quot;I got a flat tahr.&quot;

The passerby asked, &quot;But what's with the flowers?&quot;

The man responded, &quot;When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.&quot;
</div></div>

That's a good one.

My dad was from SE Missouri, so he would put &quot;tars&quot; on the car but &quot;tire&quot; on the roadway. Never made sense to me either.

I remember when my son asked me: &quot;Daddy, why does Papaw say 'thank ya'?&quot;

The standard telephone greeting was &quot;Haaar YUUU?!&quot; to which the correct reply was &quot;...Ahm FAAHHNN!&quot;

K

[earntaz]

A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. &quot;You have so much to live for,&quot; he said. &quot;I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship.
I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive.&quot;

With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.

From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

&quot;What are you doing here?&quot; asked the captain.

&quot;I have an arrangement with a sailor,&quot; she replied. &quot;He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy.&quot; &quot;I see,&quot; the captain says.


Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, &quot;Plus, he's screwing me.&quot;

&quot;He certainly is,&quot; replied the captain. &quot;This is the Staten Island Ferry.&quot;

[earntaz]

Who says dads can't think on their feet? And the innocence of little kids ...
A little girl asked her Mom, &quot;Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?&quot;

Mom replies, &quot;No, because she is in heat.&quot;

&quot;What's that mean?&quot; asked the child.

&quot;Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.&quot;

The little girl goes to the garage and says,&quot;Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.&quot;

Dad said, &quot;Bring Belle over here.&quot;

Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little gasoline, and dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,&quot;OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.&quot;

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, &quot;Where's Belle?&quot;

(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!)

The little girl said, &quot;She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.&quot;

If you aren't laughing ... You aren't living!

[Charley Lillard]

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.


Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability and the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.


The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.


The couple replied, &quot;we've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills.&quot;


Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.


The response: &quot;our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.&quot;


The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, &quot;what age child are you hoping to adopt?&quot;


The couple replies, &quot;it doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.&quot;

[marxjunk]

best two ive heard in so long..holy crap..my side hurts from laffing so hard..


&quot;He certainly is,&quot; replied the captain. &quot;This is the Staten Island Ferry.&quot;

&quot;She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.&quot;

[m22mike]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, &quot;How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?&quot;


&quot;Well,&quot; he said, &quot;we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to

The person to empty the bathtub.&quot;


&quot;Oh, I understand,&quot; I said. &quot;A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger

Than the spoon or the teacup.&quot;

&quot;No&quot; he said. &quot;A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?&quot;