Go Back   The Supercar Registry > General Discussion > Lounge


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #541  
Old 12-13-2018, 11:24 PM
wheelhop wheelhop is offline
Yenko Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 1,779
Thanks: 15
Thanked 296 Times in 138 Posts
Default

A man steps into a confessional and confesses to the priest that he had sexual relations with 13 women last nite.
The priests says, oh my god my son are you married?
The man says no, I'm not even Catholic, I just had to tell someone!
__________________
69 Chevelle SS L88 "Day-2" Lemans Blue
69 Chevelle SS L34 postsedan project-Azure Turquoise
Reply With Quote
  #542  
Old 12-14-2018, 04:16 AM
Lee Stewart's Avatar
Lee Stewart Lee Stewart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: ABQ, New Mexico
Posts: 36,633
Thanks: 3,506
Thanked 136,486 Times in 22,778 Posts
Default

THE ORIGIN OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE ANGEL

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.
Reply With Quote
  #543  
Old 12-19-2018, 02:26 AM
earntaz earntaz is offline
Yenko Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 4,620
Thanks: 6,842
Thanked 647 Times in 360 Posts
Default My great weekend

A balding, white haired man from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man,

'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

See.......Not All Seniors Are Senile
__________________
You've never lived until you've almost died -- for those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to earntaz For This Useful Post:
300deluxeL79 (12-19-2018), Crush (12-19-2018)
  #544  
Old 12-21-2018, 08:55 PM
Lee Stewart's Avatar
Lee Stewart Lee Stewart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: ABQ, New Mexico
Posts: 36,633
Thanks: 3,506
Thanked 136,486 Times in 22,778 Posts
Default

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "you do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Reply With Quote
  #545  
Old 12-21-2018, 08:56 PM
Lee Stewart's Avatar
Lee Stewart Lee Stewart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: ABQ, New Mexico
Posts: 36,633
Thanks: 3,506
Thanked 136,486 Times in 22,778 Posts
Default

The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he told them. To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating. Why you've even named your daughter Candy." The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, "Let's go, Peter."
Reply With Quote
  #546  
Old 12-29-2018, 01:18 AM
earntaz earntaz is offline
Yenko Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 4,620
Thanks: 6,842
Thanked 647 Times in 360 Posts
Default

A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.

The counselor asks, "What's the problem?"

The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniels and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.

She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that?"

The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick."
__________________
You've never lived until you've almost died -- for those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to earntaz For This Useful Post:
300deluxeL79 (01-02-2019)
  #547  
Old 12-30-2018, 02:37 AM
Lee Stewart's Avatar
Lee Stewart Lee Stewart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: ABQ, New Mexico
Posts: 36,633
Thanks: 3,506
Thanked 136,486 Times in 22,778 Posts
Default

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of
Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to
know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a
scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we
will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my
back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and
hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."
Reply With Quote
  #548  
Old 12-30-2018, 04:01 AM
John Brown's Avatar
John Brown John Brown is offline
Yenko Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: South Bend, Indiana
Posts: 2,729
Thanks: 258
Thanked 407 Times in 191 Posts
Default

A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read:

*** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.

The redneck guessed ‘8’. The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along w/his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his FREE SEX.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed ‘2’ this time.

The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was ‘3’. You were close, but no FREE SEX this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away FREE SEX."

Bubba replied, "No. it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
__________________
......................
John Brown

This isn't rocket surgery.....
Reply With Quote
  #549  
Old 01-01-2019, 03:05 PM
olredalert olredalert is offline
Yenko Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Marine City, Mi.
Posts: 8,825
Thanks: 27,236
Thanked 3,755 Times in 1,592 Posts
Default

----I hope my new year' resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.
Reply With Quote
  #550  
Old 01-06-2019, 11:39 PM
earntaz earntaz is offline
Yenko Contributing Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 4,620
Thanks: 6,842
Thanked 647 Times in 360 Posts
Default

Snotty Receptionist

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that she was a large unfriendly woman who looked more like a Sumo wrestler than woman.

I gave her my name, and in a very loud voice, she said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH AN OLD RETIRED GUY
__________________
You've never lived until you've almost died -- for those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:46 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.

O Garage vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.